How important is having intercourse for the first time?

With who do we have intercourse for the first time? Who has it earlier – men or women? Who is it harder to convince into having first intercourse for the first time and what do we feel when we do this?

 

Having intercourse for the first time means a lot to everyone, but it means more to women than men. (jlp)

When we’re talking about having intercourse for the first time, we also mean losing your virginity, which is differently defined for men and women. The term “losing your virginity” has always been wrong when it comes to men. Why? Remember your youth and you’ll see that the experience of having your first sexual intercourse meant “gaining” something and not losing it. It’s like a talisman which is supposedly very important for the future of the man because it represents a symbol of a man’s abilities.

 

Women having intercourse for the first time

 

On the other hand, women still view virginity as something worth giving up. It’s not that important if it’s an early sexual experience, it’s more important to choose the right moment and circumstances. Women have a more romantic approach to this and the memories of this event have to be the bright light in their lives. Men see sexual maturity as “the sooner, the better”, while women are more prudent and don’t just go with the flow.

 

Having intercourse for the first time isn’t all that great, especially for women. McCabe and Collins already found out in the 70s that this experience is unpleasant for more than 50% of women. 40% of them felt guilty, were afraid of pregnancy and of being exposed in public (which men like to do so much when they brag to their peers). First intercourse has a much more important effect on women than on men. Many women are shaken by this event and they feel that this experience defines their essence.

 

Women stress safe sex when having intercourse for the first time more than men. (ljp)

 

Because female expectations are also greater because of precise planning, they’re also more disappointed if things don’t go as they imagined them. Men experience first intercourse as something exciting and satisfactory. A typical, average man loses his virginity with a person he’s not particularly emotionally attached to.

 

Who’s the initiator of sex?

 

It’s always been known that men supposedly have more lust than women and that they usually initiate sexual activity. It’s logical to conclude that women turn down sex more often than men. The results of the research conducted by Blumstein and Schwartz at the turn of the century show that men initiate intercourse 51% of the time, while women do it 12 % of the time. 16% of men have rejected intercourse and as much as 48% of women have done the same. Not so long ago, as shown by the data, it was “a man’s job” to initiate sex, while “the woman’s job” was to turn him down. We have already written about this in an article entitled Sexism, which discusses exactly this. If a woman is more often the initiator than a man, she soon becomes criticised because “that’s not becoming of a young lady”. This is a dated concept, but obviously only for some people.

 

The same research with American couples even showed that men had negative feelings towards women who showed more interest in sexuality. They studies a hundred more couples and found out that women most often initiate sex because of “love and intimacy”, while men mostly see it as sexual relaxation.

Is this really such a typical scene? He would, but she doesn’t want to again. (jlp)

So, men and women experience sexuality differently. Predominant factors affect our experience of  sexuality and they guide our behaviour. Because men and women get different messages concerning sexuality, all these expectations are naturally reflected in sexual practices as well. Sex supposedly affects the relationship towards masturbation, faithfulness and also the number of partners.

 

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